


you took this heart of mine

by nullgrl



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Bobby, Fluff, Fuckbuddies, Humor, Jinhwan is a good bro, M/M, Pining, Roommates, local straight boy kim hanbin is having a gay crisis, send help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:34:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27041323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nullgrl/pseuds/nullgrl
Summary: At 9:32 a.m on a Monday morning, Hanbin realizes two things:1) Taking Statistics with Dr. Oh has been Hanbin’s worst college decision since he decided to embark on the Broke College Student Journey, he very much regrets signing up for it only because his best friend gave him the puppy eyes that has Hanbin doing anything that is asked of him, no questions asked.2) He is a little infatuated with said best friend.
Relationships: Kim Hanbin | B.I/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Comments: 26
Kudos: 81





	you took this heart of mine

At 9:32 a.m on a Monday morning, Hanbin realizes two things:

1) Taking Statistics with Dr. Oh has been Hanbin’s worst college decision since he decided to embark on the Broke College Student Journey, he very much regrets signing up for it only because his best friend gave him the puppy eyes that has Hanbin doing anything that is asked of him, no questions asked.

2) He is a little infatuated with said best friend.

It is not the most romantic of places to figure out that he has more than platonic feelings for his best friend in his Stats class with Dr. Oh who looks like the typical creepy old man who stares a little too long at students without any reason being.

It is also not as earth shattering as he would have thought finding out that a few boners are gonna start popping out in random places because his best friend is really hot and Hanbin likes that a little too much.

If he’s telling the truth, it takes a while for Hanbin to realize how deep his feelings run for his best friend. They’re taking an exam, the scratchy sound of pencils scribbling paper, and the dread that sticks like humid air onto their skin is palpable throughout the entire room. Hanbin has been stuck on question ten for the better part of fifteen minutes, eventually getting so bored with re-reading the same problem that his eyes start to wander around the room.

The girl in front of Hanbin is cheating. She’s got her phone out between the space of her thighs and her finger sliding across the keyboard while her other hand taps on the surface of the table. Hanbin moves his eyes over to a boy with long, greasy hair that has busied himself with picking his nose and flicking away the buggers towards another boy with a hat that hasn’t been in fashion since 2015.

Bored from staring at his classmates, Hanbin switches his gaze to his best friend, Jiwon. And finds that he can’t stop looking.

Which can come off a little creepy to the average stranger, but Hanbin is no stranger to Jiwon. He attempts to flicker his gaze back to his exam, but it’s like Jiwon is a magnet and Hanbin keeps getting pulled into him. It wasn’t like Jiwon was looking any different than usual. Jiwon was hot – in that once upon a time Straight Best Friend way that used to exist for Hanbin.

He had a broader body than Hanbin, sinewy muscles, and a six pack he was always showing off at any given opportunity like some frat boy. But Jiwon’s choice of clothes wasn’t that great which could be a little off putting for some people. Sometimes he dressed like he’d gotten all of his clothing from the trash pile at a local Walmart and wore his stuff inside out like it was the new fashion statement – which it wasn’t.

Hanbin had never thought of it as cute until that Monday morning at 9:32 a.m. The hoodie pulled over his head had two holes where messy blonde strands peeked out and his wrists were wrapped in bright colored bracelets that Hanbin would usually see his younger sister wear – wack, because she was 12.

It was distracting, following the soft slope of Jiwon’s nose and the striking curve of his jawline instead of working on his exam. Jiwon bit down on his pencil, brows furrowing as he blew his bangs away from his forehead exasperatedly. His crooked teeth that Hanbin had always teased Jiwon about (and one time punched a guy in the face when he made fun of Jiwon) didn’t change much in Hanbin’s perspective except that now they just added to the infatuation he held for his best friend.

Jiwon glances up, must have felt Hanbin’s obvious stare on him. He nods at Hanbin in question, mouths a _what?_

_I think I like you in a very gay way which is against the rules of the Bro Code._

Hanbin shakes his head, _nothing_ , and turns back to his exam. There’s thirty minutes left in the clock above timing down the end of their exam. Some students filter out of the room as they finish earlier than the rest, Jiwon shrugs and goes back to solving problems.

He’s unfocussed by it, by this sudden epiphany that he likes Jiwon in a not so friendly way. What are you even supposed to do when you get a crush on your best friend when you’re also a guy? Hanbin’s not gay, he’s always like girls, likes kissing them, holding their soft bodies, playing with their long hair, having sex with them. Hanbin is _supposed_ to be the straight friend in their duo.

But as he replaces Jiwon with those girls he’s fooled around with – making out with Jiwon on his bed in their shared dorm, pulling Jiwon closer to him with his hand wrapped around his waist as people stared at Hanbin in envy, running his nimble fingers through Jiwon’s a little too dry hair and grinning softly when Jiwon pushes against the hand with a content expression, kissing down Jiwon’s body in the privacy of their door while the older boy whined for more, _please more_ – and it hits him suddenly, so clear and obvious.

Jiwon sighs as he finishes the last question, lips quirking up at the corner and flipping the exam until it’s in the first page. He turns to look at Hanbin with his jaw agape and eyes a little wide, giving him a confused raised of brows before shrugging and winking at him.

His heart skips a beat and all he thinks is _oh no, oh no, oh no_.

\\\

Hanbin lied.

It is quite earth shattering.

It’s a wreck caused by a train losing control.

It is Hanbin panicking because when did this happen? Has he always thought of Jiwon this way? When did his heart start doing this flipping thingy on him whenever Jiwon grinned? Why were his hands becoming clammy when Jiwon put his head on his lap, silently asking Hanbin to play with his hair? Who allowed for this infatuation to develop?

“You did,” Jinhwan says with a bored expression on his face.

When in need of desperate answers in a desperate situation, go to Jinhwan.

“How is this my fault?” Hanbin exclaims, curled into a tiny ball on Jinhwan’s bed and cuddling the BB-8 plushie that belongs to his mysterious roommate who Hanbin and Jiwon had a running bet was secretly a vampire.

Jinhwan sighs, “Mhm, let’s see. One: remember when you came to my room whining because Jiwon was blowing off playing video games with you ‘cause he was hooking up with Hyunjae? Yeah, sorry to tell your not so straight ass: but you were jealous.”

Hanbin frowns. Yeah he remembers that. But, “But I wasn’t jealous of him because he was hooking up with that annoying, ugly, airhead – what did Jiwonie even see in him?” Jinhwan stares into an invisible camera as if they were in a segment of _The Office_. “Seriously hyung, Jiwon is way too pretty for that guy. He was so touchy too, ugh, I’m glad Jiwon got rid of him.”

“Two: the amount of times I’ve walked in on you two cuddling in bed is truly abnormal for two guys who always claim they’re not dating.” Jinhwan counts on his finger.

But, that isn’t gay. Right? People cuddle all the time. _Right_?

“No, they do not. I don’t cuddle you. Donghyuk doesn’t cuddle you. Chanwoo doesn’t cuddle you. Jisoo doesn’t cuddle you. Point here is that Jiwon is always complaining to people that he hates being touched but doesn’t yell at you when you get into one of those cuddle-me moods.”

Hanbin pouts, okay, so maybe he likes holding Jiwon. Sue him. It isn’t his fault that Jiwon is nice to cuddle with, he’s so warm and smells good.

“Three: You glare at all of his boyfriends and stare at his girlfriends like their very presence was offensive to you.”

Listen, Jiwon deserves better than the superficial people he hooks up with at clubs. His boyfriends are such entitled assholes and his girlfriends are always taking Jiwon’s attention from Hanbin. Jiwon is _Hanbin’s_ best friend. He’s known Jiwon since the dawn of time, Jiwon is _his_.

“Thank you for admitting that because it brings me to my fourth point: you’re possessive as hell of him.”

He’s _not_ possessive. He just doesn’t like sharing Jiwon’s attention with boring people. Still, none of these points answers how Hanbin developed this crush.

“You’re right. I haven’t known you long enough to answer that question, you gotta take a look in here.” Jinhwan points at his heart, taps it a little too harshly.

“How am I supposed to solve this?” Hanbin sits up, his hair cowlicked upwards like a fluffy duckling’s head, still cuddling the BB-8 close to his chest. He’s considering stealing it from Jinhwan’s vampire roommate, but he doesn’t fancy too much that idea of getting sucked dry of his blood by the scary guy.

Jinhwan shrugs, “I don’t know. Confess maybe? Kiss him, do something that will help you get over the crush and –”

Hanbin’s eyes lighten up, back straightening excitedly. “Like have sex with him? Jinhwan hyung! You are a genius.”

“What?” Jinhwan squawks. “No, that’s not what I meant.”

“No, no. I get it now. What I need to do is let it out of my system. If I fuck him maybe this weird crush will go away and I can go back to be his best wingman instead of the pining friend.”

Jinhwan shakes his head vehemently, “That’s a terrible idea. Did you forget that you’re a heterosexual and Jiwon doesn’t know that you’re low key kind of gay? Also, how is that going to help you get rid of your crush, all it’s going to do is – wait! Where are you going?”

“Getting rid of this crush!”

\\\

He doesn’t bring it up immediately. Mostly because he backs out at last minute when he comes back to his dorm and sees Jiwon sleeping in bed, drooling all over his pillow and hugging close to him his Winnie the Pooh stuff toy he’s had since Hanbin can recall his existence.

The idea pops out throughout the entire week though. Sometimes Jiwon will be sitting three feet away from him, playing a mobile game on his game boy looking phone, eating chips and screaming at his phone because his online teammates are useless and in that moment the only thing stuck in Hanbin’s mind is how fast his heart is racing with jittery nerves because the reason for all his heart fluttering in the past makes so much more sense.

Other times they’re eating at the dining hall, a rerun of a sport game playing on mute from the television and the lull of students talking and eating, Donghyuk cracks a joke that makes Jiwon burst into that half dying cut off seal laugh that scrunches his nose and has his lips stretching over his teeth. Hanbin realizes that he doesn’t smile because Jiwon’s laugh is funny – he’s smiling because seeing Jiwon smile makes him swear he could fly to the moon and give it to Jiwon.

Jeez, how did this crush thing go over Hanbin’s head? It’s like he’s gotten rid of a blindfold and he can see clearly now how head over heels he is for Jiwon. Jinhwan gives him a lot of side eye stares and warns him at any given time that Jiwon isn’t around to _not_ fuck his best friend. Bad idea.

Well, sorry to his favorite hyung because Hanbin brings it up on Saturday evening.

“Hey,” Hanbin starts. He’ll slow his way into the conversation, try not to startle Jiwon so much.

Jiwon hums from where he lays next to him on his twin size bed, watching a random video on youtube.

“Have you ever thought of fucking me? Or me fucking you?” So much for slowing in.

Jiwon jumps, sitting in shock with a dumb look on his face. “What.”

“Yeah,” Hanbin sits up as well and when he tries to scoot over only for Jiwon to move all the way to the edge of the bed he tries not to feel too hurt about it, “Like you’ve never thought that it might be convenient for us to fuck once in a while.”

Jiwon blinks, opens his mouth, shuts his mouth, and repeats it all over again. “Hanbin,” he closes his eyes and massages the bridge of his nose. “Where is this coming from?”

That’s a great question. The answer? Not so great. Hanbin isn’t about to blurt out his sudden revelation from Monday morning at 9:32 a.m in his Stats class with Dr. Oh.

“Just, you know–”

“No, I don’t.”

“It can be a way to relieve stress. Midterms just ended, we have most of our end of the year projects done, and I think it would be good for the both of us to release all that pent up frustration on fucking.”

Jiwon raises a brow looking unconvinced, “Each other?”

It sounds stupid when Jiwon says it like that, but Hanbin swears this plan will work out! “Yes.”

Blonde strands whip around as Jiwon shakes his head. “Hanbin, you’re straight. Or is this your way of coming out to me.”

Uhhh. Hanbin didn’t think this through. Is he gay? Is he bisexual? Or is he straight and has this weird Jiwon Crush complex for his best friend? Shoot, maybe he should have kissed a few guys before asking Jiwon to fuck.

“Come on, you really have never thought of us fucking?” Hanbin changes the route of the conversation to avoid the question because he’s still trying to figure that out himself.

Jiwon narrows his eyes, lips pouting, and nostrils flaring. “Just because I like guys doesn’t mean I want to fuck every guy in front of me, including you.”

Ouch. Rejection hurts.

Jiwon’s eyes soften, throwing a punch at Hanbin’s shoulder. “I’m going to pretend we never had this conversation and get ready for the party. I need some alcohol to get rid of this talk.”

He’s sulky on the way to the party at one of Jiwon’s friends house. His heart has plummeted all the way to his stomach, sinking into the acid there and burning him up. This was the closest to confessing his crush on Jiwon and all he did was blow Hanbin’s feelings off.

“That’s because you asked him if you two wanted to fuck. No one in their right mind says yes to fuckbuddies with their best friend.”

Hanbin glares at Jinhwan, gulping down another wine cooler and slamming it a little too hard on the table where the older boy is playing beer pong.

“It was a smart idea when it was happening. Now Jiwon is inside flirting with that kid from his archeology class and I’m out here drinking my sorrows away because I still have this stupid crush on my best friend.”

Jinhwan snorts, “You’re drinking your sorrows away with _Smirnoff_? Really?”

That’s what Jinhwan pays attention to? The matter of his crisis right now is that Jiwon rejected him – in fact, if he looks a little deeper, Jiwon doesn’t see him as anything but a friend – and now Jiwon was probably going to get it on with the nerdy dude who wasn’t even that cute.

The night sky is clear for the usual polluted city, the moon’s shine a little brighter as it gleamed over their skin. Music played from the doors opened of the house so those outside could enjoy it too, strings of lights tied around the ledge of the roof and around the trees to lighten up the backyard. Hanbin leans his hip on the pool table, narrowing his eyes where he could see Jiwon laugh with nerdy-dude-who-jiwon-will-hook-up-with #13 of the year.

“If it helps you, Jiwon dates people who look like you.”

“What?” Hanbin asks distractedly. Oh that fucker, nerdy dude is rubbing a hand up and down Jiwon’s forearm.

“There all brunettes, your height – even the girls – they got doe eyes like you. A little narrower than him, dress like their indie kids who think they are better than everyone else, and kind of stupid.”

“Are you saying I’m stupid?”

“ _I’m saying_ ,” Jinhwan looks him dead in the eye as his ping ball makes it right into the red cup. “That maybe this crush isn’t that unrequited. He probably has a crush on you too but doesn’t know how to tell you. Because, you know, you’re straight.”

Okay. Good point. But do all of Jiwon’s dates look like him? Hanbin thinks back, Jiwon’s first girlfriend was a girl who was in the soccer team. Hanbin can’t remember her name but she had big eyes, wide pupils, rosy cheeks, long wavy brown hair. So she played soccer just like Hanbin, that doesn’t mean Jiwon was dating people who looked like him. Okay, then, let’s skip to freshman year of college when Jiwon brought his first hook up into their dorm, a white sock on his doorknob, and leaving Hanbin to fall asleep in the communal area of the dorm building cause he was getting dick.

He was Hanbin’s height the one time he saw him rushing out of their dorm. _Check_. But his hair was dyed a golden brown and Hanbin had dyed his hair that year … a dark reddish color. What about the boy from Jiwon’s bio class that tutored him for a few weeks before he ended up in Jiwon’s bed? He had doe eyes too, a petite frame. The girl Jiwon briefly dated for two months named Chaewon? She was a fine arts major like him but wasn’t really that smart, she was also always flirting with Hanbin.

Fine. Jinhwan may have pointed out something that made his heart lift up a little but that still didn’t help Hanbin in any way. He was supposed to get rid of this crush. Not validate it.

“Just cause they look like me doesn’t mean he wants to date me.”

Jinhwan nods as he downs his fourth cup of jungle juice, wincing at the burn down his throat. “You’re probably right. I’m just trying to be a helpful hyung.”

This brings Hanbin to his second current crisis. Is he gay? Let’s see, he eyes Jinhwan up and down. Jinhwan is kind of cute, short with broad shoulders, pointy chin, cat like eyes, straight dark hair that fell over his eyes. He thought about kissing him and – ew, nope. He’s not gay for Jinhwan.

Next victim. Jinhwan’s scary, vampire roommate. Goo Junhwe is all golden skin and six feet of gorgeous model features. He’s wide, wider than Jiwon, and long skinny legs with lean thighs that Hanbin kind of wants to squeeze. Gasp! Is this what it means to be gay? Junhwe’s got sharp eyebrows, a round nose, high cheek bones, and full pink lips. Mhm, Hanbin doesn’t recoil at the idea of kissing him. But he thinks that if he tried making a move on the guy, Hanbin was going to end up dickless in a blink of an eye, so he’s going to pass.

Damn, this is more complicated than he thought. “I’m going to some mango juice, I’ll be back.”

Jinhwan nods and waves him off distractedly as he prepares for another drinking game. Hanbin tries looking for Jiwon and the nerdy guy through the crowd of students, but comes up empty handed which makes him grouchy. His mood further dampens when he takes a sip from the mango juice and tastes the vodka some stupid idiot poured into it as a joke.

Hanbin grabs a water bottle – smells it first just in case it’s vodka instead of water – from the tall kid with glinting piercings that keeps yelling, “Drink water, not alcohol!”

He sits down on an empty couch, pensive look on his face as he thinks about how confused his life has been since his epiphany on Monday. It’s been almost a week and Hanbin doesn’t think he can resolve this. Someone sinks next to him, like right next to him, thigh to thigh kind of next to him, and when Hanbin turns to face the person he finds a pretty girl with pink hair and almond shaped eyes. She’s not looking at him, scrolling through her phone with a bored expression. Hanbin gives her a once over, she’s very beautiful and her dress looks cute on her.

“I like your dress,” Hanbin compliments.

The girl looks up startled, “Oh, uh thank you.” She smiles and it is perfect pearly white teeth that blinds him. They talk about the party, she says her friend forced her and Hanbin follows it with how his friend coaxed him into going along too. He feels like a douchebag as he talks more and more with her because he’s only making small talk to ask if he can kiss her. She seems sweet, a little too touchy though.

From one moment to the next, Hanbin finds himself with a lapful of the girl. The bottled water slips from his hand as he moves his hand to hold her head, adjusting her body so her knee isn’t so close to his crotch. It’s nice kissing her, a little sticky and with a cherry taste that Hanbin likes. The kiss grows wet, messy, and more desperate as she tugs on his hair. “Can I touch your boobs?” She laughs at him and guides his hand to her breasts, coming back for a kiss. Yeah, this is making him kind of hard.

She pulls away with a smirk on her face, “Wanna go somewhere private?”

Shit. Hanbin needs to improvise. “Meet me at the bathroom on the second floor, be there in ten.”

Douchebag material 100%.

Hanbin scurries back outside, patting his beating heart. Okay then, he still likes girls. It’s nice touching her, making out, if he weren’t so hung up with this whole crush disaster thing going on, he would definitely be upstairs with her.

“Need a smoke?” A hand plops into his view, a veiny arm with a silver watch around the skinny wrist that holds a box of cigarettes in front of him.

Hanbin glances up to find a handsome guy with big eyes and pale blonde hair hidden under a baby blue baseball cap. He’s got a nice smile, wide and softens him up with his puppy eyes. “Uh, sure.”

He hands him a cigarette, out of nowhere taking out a lighter to flick the cigarette on. “I’m Jackson.”

“Hanbin,” he introduces him as he inhales the smoke. He’s never smoked before, Jiwon would probably hit him over the head if he were here. But as it is, Jiwon is probably in one of the rooms of the house with nerd fuck.

“You don’t look so well, Hanbin.”

Hanbin snorts, “You can say that.”

Jackson talks a lot. And he talks really fast too. Hanbin doesn’t understand half of what he says but it’s better to concentrate on his deep voice and trying not to cough like some dweeb when the smoke goes down the wrong pipe.

“So, wanna tell me what’s got you so distracted you weren’t listening to anything I said?”

Hanbin jumps in alarm, looking caught off guard. “Oh no! I was listening–”

“Save it buddy,” he says with a grin. “Give me a try. I’m a stranger and won’t judge.”

He bites his lip in contemplation, catches Jackson’s eyes flicker to his lips. Oh. Well, maybe Hanbin can figure this stuff.

“Can I kiss you?”

Jackson’s head leans back, neck wrinkling and giving him a wide eye stare. “Wow, you’re blunt.” Hanbin flushes, opens his mouth to apologize but Jackson beats him to it and laughs it off. “Yeah I’ll kiss you.”

It’s not like his life zooms in and suddenly every single question Hanbin has ever had has been answered. He’s kind of frozen at first when Jackson presses his smooth lips against his. But Jackson seems to know what he’s doing and just lets Hanbin sit on this before doing anything more. He lets Hanbin take the lead too, only kissing back when Hanbin tilts his head and moves his lips to press them firmly against Jackson’s. Kissing another boy … it’s not that bad. There’s no sticky gloss or cherry flavored lips. Jackson taste like nicotine and jungle juice, but it’s not bad. Hanbin sort of likes it.

He’s too into this kissing boy’s stuff. His hand travels up the expanse of Jackson’s strong arms and trails up his shoulder until he’s cradling his jaw to better kiss him. Jackson pulls him closer by his waist, peeking his tongue out to swipe it across his mouth. Hanbin is about to open them when he feels someone tug him harshly and pull him away from Jackson.

“Hanbin,”

Jackson flickers his eyes and tilts his head curiously, all while licking his red lips. Hanbin cranes his neck and almost has a heart attack when he sees a furious looking Jiwon glaring at Jackson. Mhm. _Weird_.

“Jiwonie! What are you doing here?” He laughs awkwardly, because what are you supposed to say to your best friend who you have a crush on and asked if y’all could fuck only to be rejected and now found you making out with a guy?

“Who are you?” Jiwon questions a still confused Jackson and ignores Hanbin’s squeaky voice.

“Jackson, and you are?”

Jiwon looks him up and down before deciding he’s no longer interested in him and grabs Hanbin by the wrist to drag him away. Hanbin hears Jackson call after him but doesn’t get to hear him since he’s a little worried Jiwon’s about to chew his head off if he replies. He almost panics when he sees the girl he’d been making out with earlier texting on her phone angrily, probably complaining to her friends about the jerk who stood her up. Hanbin walks a little faster to leave through the front door.

Jiwon doesn’t say a word to him as they walk the street to the dorms on campus. He doesn’t even spare him a glance, not even when Hanbin almost trips and gets a face full of dirt because he was too busy staring at Jiwon. There’s no words in any language that can help Hanbin out in this moment, unsure of how to explain himself. Maybe he should come clean. Tell Jiwon about his little secret and get it over with.

Crickets sing in the night, a few cats mingling about before scurrying off and if that doesn’t say how angry Jiwon is because he’s the first to chase after them, then Hanbin doesn’t know how else to describe how scared he is of the conversation ahead of them. The night breeze cools the heat of his skin, taking with it some of the nicotine scent. Hanbin stuffs his hands into his pockets, thoughts running a hundred miles per hour. He’ll open his mouth to apologize, explain himself, maybe rap a song, but then shuts it close when he realizes that Jiwon’s got his hands into fists. Hanbin does not want a black eye so he keeps silent even if the silence is suffocating.

Jiwon slides his card on the door and doesn’t wait for Hanbin to follow behind him as they step into the dark hallway. Hanbin hurries in before he gets locked out (again), the lights of the ceiling turning on with their motion. Jiwon stands in front of the elevator, their reflections distorted, and doesn’t make a move to press the button to lift them up to the fourth floor where they live.

“Are you going to press that?” Hanbin says as the same time Jiwon says, “Did you mean it?”

They stare at one another in a tense moment of silence. “Mean what?” Hanbin thinks he has an idea of what Jiwon is talking about but he’s already made a fool of himself once today and doesn’t really want to get his hopes up.

Jiwon whips around to stare at him. His hair has gotten a little longer Hanbin notices, catching along the brow piercing he has on his left brow. He takes in a deep breath, finally pressing a finger on the up arrow of the elevator.

“The fuckbuddy thing.”

Hanbin swallows loudly, his heart skipping over a thousand beats. Oh shit. It’s happening. Stay calm. Stay calm. Do not abandon the ship and freak out.

“Yeah,” he says with a higher pitch than he meant to. Jiwon lifts a corner of his mouth, raising a teasing brow. “I mean – yes, I want that.”

Jiwon rocks on the balls of his feet and nods, “Cool.”

The elevator dings and they both step in. Hanbin has no idea what he’s supposed to do after Jiwon has agreed to do the friends with benefits thing with him. It’s not like there is a _Fuck Buddies For Dummies_ book – Hanbin tried searching for one, don’t judge him.

It turns out that there isn’t anything he needs to do since as soon as the elevator doors shut close, he’s being pushed against the cool walls of the narrow space with Jiwon pressed so close to his body that Hanbin can feel the warmth of his skin.

Kissing Jiwon.

It is nothing like kissing the girls he dated or had one night stands with. It doesn’t compare to the pretty pink haired girl or Jackson. Jiwon’s lips are as soft as a girl’s and they taste like strawberries. Hanbin sucks on his pouty bottom lip, nipping and biting it gently because he can’t get enough of his taste. Jiwon mewls, he’s a lot louder than Jackson was, but as desperate as the girl on his lap from earlier in the night.

Hanbin pushes his tongue into the wet heat, meeting Jiwon’s own. Jiwon flinches away, “Were you smoking?” But Hanbin distracts him by lifting one of Jiwon’s thick thighs around his waist and groping his ass. Good move since Jiwon groans and sucks hard on Hanbin’s tongue. Hands wrap around his neck, playing with his hairs at the nape that tickles him. Jiwon is so eager and happy to lick the inside of his mouth. Why didn’t they do this sooner? Fucking hell, Jiwon is a good kisser, no wonder someone is always ready to give up a night for him.

The elevator stops and Jiwon pulls away only to tug Hanbin down the fifth door on the right side. Hanbin is a little preoccupied kissing and sucking Jiwon’s neck, licking the bitter saltiness of his sweat and the residue of his cologne. Jiwon moves his neck, rolling his eyes and forgetting about turning the key to open their dorm.

“Thought you were gonna fool around with nerd dude.” Hanbin murmurs, his hand splaying across Jiwon’s stomach.

Jiwon hums in pleasure, starting to grind his ass into Hanbin’s growing erection. “Saw you kissing Jackson,” he moans quietly when Hanbin scrapes his teeth behind his earlobe, “And got jealous.”

Hanbin laughs softly, “I like the sound of that.” And oh, if only Jiwon knew the truth that weighed down that statement.

It takes a while for Jiwon to finally open the door and they almost tripping over one of Hanbin’s shoes – “how many times do I have to tell you to put your shoes in the closet?” – and Jiwon’s hands gripping the collar of his shirt to kiss him like his life depends on it. Fingers start to tremble in their rush to undo Hanbin’s belt and his jeans and this is when the panic sets in.

He’s never had sex with a boy before.

“Wait,” it gets swallowed by Jiwon’s wet mouth, trailing down to kiss his chin wetly. “Hold on, Jiwonie.”

“What?”

“Let me just use the bathroom real quick,” Jiwon ignores his request to busy himself with memorizing the bumps of Hanbin’s teeth. He gets it, Hanbin doesn’t want to stop kissing Jiwon any time soon either, but he did offer to have sex with Jiwon earlier without doing any research beforehand.

Jiwon pulls himself together and breathes heavily over Hanbin’s glistening and swollen lips, darker than their natural color. “Okay, hurry up. I’m horny.”

Hanbin chuckles in bafflement, “It’ll only be ten minutes.” And just cause he really can’t stop kissing Jiwon, he leans in for another kiss, this one much quicker. Hands push him with a boyish grin to hurry him up.

In the bathroom of their dorm, Hanbin allows himself to breathe and evaluate how he got here. It’s about to happen. Kim Hanbin is about to lose his gay virginity. To his friend, nevertheless.

 **hanbin:** _how do you have gay sex?_

 **jinhwan hyung:** _i knew one day this would come in handy_  
**jinhwan hyung:** _i’m such a great hyung you should be grateful to have me  
_ **jinhwan hyung:** _here are some links, remember to wear condoms!_

The links redirect him to a few articles that Hanbin skims through while he hears Jiwon on the other side rummage around. His heart is freaking out, pumping out of his chest when he clicks on one of the links and finds himself on a gay porn site. A knock on the door scares the shit out of him.

“Are you watching gay porn in there without me?”

Hanbin flushes and stalls. “No.”

“Open the door Hanbin.”

Reluctantly he unlocks the bathroom door, his dick tenting his jeans very obviously, looking like he’s been caught red handed. Jiwon looks from his phone where the video starts playing and a guy’s deep voice starts to give instructions of how to prep the bottom – Hanbin does not understand any of this – and back to Hanbin who has become a permanent shade of red.

“Are you sure you want–”

“Yes,” Hanbin says with no hesitation. He needs to get this crush out of his system.

Taking Jiwon’s clothes off is a different type of intimacy. His fingers waver as he lifts the hem of his oversized shirt and carefully pulls it over Jiwon’s head, his hair a mess and that smile still stuck on his lips. They’re in nothing but their boxers, kissing with the same enthusiasm like in the elevator. One of Jiwon’s hands paths over his navel before traveling further down to grab his hard cock. Hanbin groans loudly, pushing into the hand that expertly rubs him over the cloth.

“You’re bigger than I thought,” Jiwon kisses into his mouth. Hanbin smirks and bites the lip teasingly. Their eyes sparkle in the low lights of the lamps Jiwon turned on while Hanbin was in the bathroom. “So, do you want to bottom or top?”

Is this a trick question? This is definitely a trick question, right?

“Uh,”

Jiwon shakes his head a little in surprise, “Oh god,” his hand covers his mouth as he laughs, the other hand frozen where it had been gripping his dick. “Okay, do you want to fuck me or I fuck you?”

“Splendid Jiwonie, you’re so romantic.”

“Fuckbuddies, remember?” Jiwon says playfully.

And that kind of brings him back down to earth from this high. This is not the romantic kind of losing virginity moment, this is Hanbin getting rid of his infatuation with his best friend. He thinks about it, what he would like more. Out of curiosity he takes a look down to Jiwon’s boxers and the tent of his erection is _huge_ , his eyes go round in shock, maybe he’ll just –

“Fuck you. I wanna fuck you. What do you call that?”

Jiwon looks happy with the answer and lowers himself to start licking Hanbin’s dick through the wet cloth. Well fuck, Hanbin was not prepared for that. He doesn’t get much blow jobs, girls don’t like it and Hanbin doesn’t like making them do anything they don’t like so he doesn’t ask. But Jiwon. God bless his pretty little mouth. He was made for sucking cock.

His tongue laps and mouths his dick, he can feel the grin gust over him. Hanbin goes cross eyed a little, hand unconsciously lifting to pet Jiwon’s head softly. He’s unsure of what to do with his hands or with anything, never been much of a talker himself when it came to sex he usually busied his mouth with going down on the girl. Obviously he can’t do that since Jiwon is the one licking him up. “Get a condom,” Jiwon’s husky sex voice should be illegal. Why is heart doing the flipping thingy? It’s supposed to stop doing that.

He snatches a condom from the table where Jiwon had placed it alongside a bottle of lube. Boxers are kicked off finally, Jiwon going right back down to suck his cock when he rolls the condom on. His hands flutter to Jiwon’s face, swiping a gently touch over the furrow between his brows that is a lot more sweet than he intended. But how can he not caress Jiwon and his pretty face when he’s gone rosy-cheeked between Hanbin’s legs, back arched and swaying his body as he bobs his head up and down, jerking off what he couldn’t take.

Jiwon looks up and Hanbin feels his dick jolt inside the hot, wet mouth. His eyes are more pupils than iris, looking absolutely sexy when he hollows his cheeks and sucks Hanbin like he’s some human vaccum. Hanbin shuts his eyes, wheezing and counting to ten so he won’t come just yet. It’s really hard to do that though when Jiwon sinks deeper and takes his cock closer to his base. Seriously, why did they not do this sooner? Fuck being straight, Hanbin has been missing out.

There’s so much heat and suction going on, his brain has melted and he can’t come up with any thoughts except how much he wants to fuck Jiwon. Hanbin’s head falls back down from where he’d thrown it back in pleasure, his vision being only Jiwon’s blonde hair obscuring his view from where he worked his cock in a blow job. Jiwon picks his head back up to suckle on the tip, grinning smugly at a fucked out Hanbin.

The pop that his mouth makes is so obscene to Hanbin he feels his ears turn a bright red. Jiwon gets up on his knees and pulls Hanbin into a kiss where he can taste himself and the condom on Jiwon’s tongue.

“Ready?” Jiwon asks.

Jiwon has his legs spread out wide, when did he become this flexible? Hanbin gulps nervously, coating his hands in more lube than what Jiwon told him he should lather his fingers in. But he’s kind of freaking out a little that he’s about to do this. Goodbye crush. Hanbin is going to win this battle.

“So, I just put it in?”

Jiwon is lying face down, his knees bent a little and hands spreading his ass cheeks. “Yes, Hanbin. For the millionth time yes.”

It’s just that. It’s so small. How is Hanbin supposed to fit his dick inside the little hole. He supposes that is why he should prep him first with his fingers, but that still means inserting something into the tiny asshole. Hanbin takes in a deep breath, he can do this, just go slow. The intrusion is met with resistance, Hanbin bites his lip and tries again. This time he pushes a little harder which causes a chain reaction of Jiwon pushing back into his finger, sucking him in, and groaning too loud.

Hanbin can’t shush Jiwon since he’s a little too in awe with how his finger just sinks and disappears. He wouldn’t mind just doing this, fingering Jiwon until he came, but Jiwon is really bossy in bed. Commanding Hanbin to pleasure him with his dick. Now, Hanbin!

Here it goes. The moment he has been waiting for and thinking about since Monday and probably even before then. He lubes up his cock, pistons it over the loose hole, and pushes in past the rim. So many different types of sounds spill out, Hanbin does a weird mixture of a gurgle and growl. Below him, Jiwon curves his back like a cat and hiccups as he pushes back into the dick until he’s filled him all the way.

He’s soft, slow, and gentle. Slow thrusts because that’s how the girls he fucked liked it. Jiwon is not like those girls though. He’s demanding and whiny. To be expected honestly, people always think Hanbin is bossy until they truly become Jiwon’s friend and find out how Jiwon likes to be in control of everything. It’s no different in sex, rutting desperately on Hanbin’s cock as if he were trying to search for something.

“Fuck me harder,” Jiwon grasps on Hanbin’s sheets. “Please Hanbin, go faster. I’m not made of glass, I won’t break.”

Harder? Okay, Hanbin thrusts a little harder. But Jiwon is greedy and cries out because it isn’t enough. “I said harder, give it to me rough.”

Hanbin’s eyes darken. He wants rough. Hanbin can give him rough, Jiwon is not walking tomorrow or until Monday. He pulls out, the wet squelch of his cock pulling out echoing in their dorm. Jiwon turns over his head to look at Hanbin questioningly, mouth opening to whimper why Hanbin took his dick out but only ends up sobbing when Hanbin sets his feet shoulder width apart, gripping Jiwon’s hips, and pulling him back to sink his cock inside of him.

This time he goes rough. Tightening his buttocks and slapping his skin hard against Jiwon’s pink flushed bottom, his sack hitting Jiwon as well. It’s a lewd sight, Hanbin grunting and Jiwon crying – seriously he’s got tears trickling down because Hanbin is fucking him so well.

“You’re fucking tight,” Hanbin tells him.

Jiwon heavies a breath, “Hanbin – fuck, angle lower please – oh my fucking god, yes! There, keep hitting there.”

Hanbin has no idea what he’s done to Jiwon but he thinks he’s broken his friend because Jiwon goes limp and falls face down on the bed. He’s so fucking loud, sobbing dirty things and surprising Hanbin because he knew his friend was a dirty little fuck but the things he says about Hanbin’s cock. It is shocking.

“Are you sure you’ve never – shit! Faster Binnie, please – done this?” Jiwon hiccups.

“Positive,” he’s got to shut Jiwon up before they get a noise complaint. Hanbin moves his legs to press closer, wrapping his arms over Jiwon’s waist and pulling him up. Jiwon was now on his knees, riding Hanbin’s dick and wailing into Hanbin’s ear where his head lolled on his shoulder. This view was paradise for Hanbin. Jiwon was ethereal during sex, cheeks flushed a deep red, nose twitching, mouth wet with his spit as groans, mewls, whimpers, and moans poured out. Hickies were starting to appear where Hanbin had drawn a constellation of his teeth on Jiwon’s neck earlier and he had a plan to draw a few more. But first.

“You’re so loud,” Hanbin bucks his hips upwards, knee bones popping when he rises on the tip of his toes to fuck faster into Jiwon. “Shh, Ji, don’t want the neighbors to hear you, do you?” Hanbin’s voice is low, like who the fuck is this kind of low. He puts a hand over Jiwon’s mouth because Jiwon has no idea what it means to stay quiet and muffles the pretty cries. Sucking down his neck and losing rhythm with each fuck.

Jiwon cums first, his eyes tightening and howling as his ass clamps down to keep Hanbin inside of him where he jabs at Jiwon’s prostate all throughout his orgasm. He can’t control the erratic movements of his hips or the way he sucks hard on Jiwon’s neck, forehead falling into the blond strays, and coming inside the condom.

They fall lazily onto Jiwon’s cleaner bed that doesn’t drip in Jiwon’s cum. Hanbin rolls the condom off and ties it to throw it into the trash bin next to Jiwon’s bed. He feels sleepy, the tiredness of after sex hours making him cuddly. Jiwon doesn’t mind it, happily being the little spoon as he regains breath.

“Should’ve done this sooner, man.”

Jiwon laughs, “I know.”

This is nice. Hanbin got to kiss his best friend. Fuck his best friend. And now cuddles the warm, sweaty body close to his body. See, he’s worked the perfect equation to getting rid of an unwanted crush.

\\\

 **Fucking Your Best Friend to Get Rid of an Unwanted Crush** : ★☆☆☆☆

Hanbin gives it one out of five stars.

Does not recommend.

It has been thirteen days, eight hours, forty two minutes, and 12 seconds since he fucked the crush out of his system. Supposedly. Because it did not work. Hanbin repeats: Does Not Work.

“Yeah, yeah. I heard you the first time. Kind of creepy how you’ve got the time counted.” Jinhwan tells him while he rolls around in his chair, legs hanging over the arm of it and using his hand and the table to spin him around.

“I don’t get it hyung, it was supposed to go away. I fucked him already – which was amazing. Jiwon is so whiny and cries a lot –”

“Yes, you’ve told me that as well. I don’t want to hear it again like I have been for the past two weeks.”

Hanbin huffs in frustration, falling back into Jinhwan’s roommate’s bed with BB-8 in his arms. “This is only making it harder. He keeps giving me looks like he knows.”

“Knows what?” Jinhwan questions, too entertained in his phone.

“That I like like him.”

“What are you, 12?”

“Hyung!”

“Look man,” Jinhwan sits up and stops rolling around, a serious expression on his face. “I don’t know what you expected. I told you it was a bad idea, fucking the person who you like was never going to work in getting rid of the chemistry. At least you’re not so stupid as to keep up the whole fuckbuddy thing.”

Hanbin whistles and pointedly does not stare at Jinhwan.

“Right? Oh my god, Hanbin please tell me you’re not still fucking him?”

Wow, if he moves his neck a little to the left and closes one eye the ceiling patchwork almost looks like Captain America’s ass.

“Hanbin, you’re freaking me out over here.”

Did Junhwe’s bed always smell like Jinhwan’s favorite cologne? Now why would Jinhwan’s scent be all over the sheets?

“Hanbin!” Jinhwan throws Hanbin one of his books which finally grabs his attention.

“Ow! Fuck, that hurt, hyung.” Hanbin rubs his shoulder and gets up. “And it’s only been a few times.”

Jinhwan narrows his eyes, “How much is few? Hanbin.”

“A few,” He mumbles. When Jinhwan raises another book he blurts out, “Like ten times. I think.”

“Jesus,” Jinhwan face palms his face, he’s growing a headache. “Ten times? You’ve had sex everyday then?”

Hanbin flushes, “It’s not my fault! Jiwon is the horny one, he wants to fuck all the time. He’ll just climb into my bed and pull my dick out and suck me off–”

“Explicit details are not needed,”

“–And I’m only human. I make mistakes, it’s hard to resist Jiwon.”

Jinhwan murmurs a prayer to the gods above for guidance and peace. How did he get himself into this chaotic situation?

“Hanbin, you are walking straight into heartbreak. This is the path in every movie, book, and song with dying and staying alive. He’s going to find out that you have had a crush on him this whole entire time and it’s going to get awkward. Stop it before it gets even deeper.”

Hanbin wants to clarify that he did try to ignore his libido and not fuck Jiwon. Making up excuses for classwork, rushing to hide in the studio room, pretending like he was suddenly very interested in his chemistry homework. It lasts about three days before Jiwon corners him in the studio room.

“How did you get in?”

“I’ve always wanted to fuck in here,” Jiwon says in lieu of an answer. And soon Hanbin finds himself with Jiwon bent over the many knobs and buttons of the board and his dick nailing Jiwon’s prostate every time.

He can’t escape it. He even bottoms – that’s what it’s called right? – and takes Jiwon’s dick which really is way too big. Hanbin realizes why Jiwon is so obsessed with getting fucked, it feels so good to hit that ball of nerves inside of him. He can’t walk straight or sit down without feeling shudders of pain, but he can’t find a reason to say no to Jiwon when his friend begs Hanbin to ride him, pretty please.

It’s nice – all the fucking, the random kissing, the cuddling, the sucking hickies or dicks under covers. Once you get rid of the feelings that keep skyrocketing in Hanbin every time all they do on a Saturday afternoon is laze around and make out. He likes those moments a lot, because it’s almost like their dating – but they’re not! They’re just fucking.

Like right now.

Hanbin fingers Jiwon open as the warm water of the shower runs over their bodies. “You want me raw? Fuck that’s hot, man.” He’s never fucked someone without a condom on, he’s promised Jiwon to pull out before coming inside of him. There is something very addicting and heady with how ready and eager Jiwon always is to fuck, Hanbin wonders why Jiwon is always jumping from person to person. Why has no one snatched him up and kept him to themselves?

“Fuck, that’s good. Curl them a little – yeah, just like that.” It’s probably hazardous to fuck someone in the shower where they could slip and crack their head open at any wrong move. But that logical part of his brain is muffled by the other head that is leaking with pre-cum and flushed a dark red almost purple color.

“You ready for me?”

“Hanbin, if you do not put your cock inside of me,” The threat turns into gurgles of his name, a mantra being repeated when Hanbin starts to furiously hammer into the heat. He’s still a little loose from their morning sex, but Hanbin doesn’t care much about that when Jiwon arches his back and gets tongue tied about praising his fat dick.

All the fucking they’ve done has sharpened Hanbin’s skills and he can hold his orgasm longer than the pathetic minutes he used to hold in. Jiwon does not share that same skill, he comes three times and has two dry orgasms when Hanbin finally pulls out his dick and comes on Jiwon’s lovely, swollen ass. He slaps each cheek and rubs the cum in circles, snickering when one cum covered finger sinks into the loose hole and the greedy hole tries to keep Hanbin in.

Jiwon’s blonde hair is slowly turning black at the roots, that’s how long this fuckbuddy business has been going on. And still, Hanbin has been unable to fuck it out. Falling more and more for Jiwon as each day passes.

\\\

“Maybe you should take him out on a date,” Jinhwan raises a hand to shut Hanbin up, “A friendly date. Gather your wits together and find out if this is some one time crush or if you have actual feelings for him.”

“How would that help? A date is a date. What if he freaks out and no date, no more fucking, and goodbye to the twenty plus years of friendship.”

“Then don’t tell him it’s a date. Just make it seem like one, maybe he’ll be the one confessing to you.”

Hanbin shakes his head pitifully, putting his cheek on his palm. “Not happening, he’s been talking obsessively about this girl in his history class. They’re writing a paper together and he talks about her all the time.”

“Stop beating your pizza up,”

“Sorry,”

Jinhwan’s eyes soften. “Hey,” he kicks Hanbin’s leg lightly. “Just think about it. Maybe you’ll realize that he was an experiment to figure out your sexuality and not the guy you’re infatutated with.”

Hanbin doubts it but promises to sleep on the idea.

\\\

Stats class with Dr. Oh is starting to be the place Hanbin gathers courage to make moves. Hanbin takes his phone out and messages Jiwon as subtly as he can without being caught.

Jiwon looks at his phone confused, giving Hanbin a questioning nod before unlocking his phone.

 **hanbin:** _wanna go watch a movie at the drive in theatre?_

 **jiwonie:** _you don’t own a car_

 **hanbin:** _that doesn’t answer my question_

 **jiwonie:** _do you have a car?_

 **hanbin:** _if i say yes will you come with me to watch a movie?_

 **jiwonie:** _sure, i’ve always wanted to suck you off at a movie theatre_

 **hanbin:** _we’re going to be inside a car_

 **jiwonie:** _car sex sounds fun ;)_

Jiwon is right that Hanbin doesn’t own a car. He has to use some of the money his parents send him to bribe Yunhyeong, a guy from his chem class, to lend Hanbin his car. Yunhyeong accepts it readily because of the Broke College Student Life. He feels kind of embarrassed that their most likely going to have sex in the car, he’ll try not to stain it. Too much.

Drive in theatres are nice. They aren’t strict about food coming in, everyone is in the privacy of their car, and it is a perfect place to have Jiwon curled as best as he can in the back seat with Hanbin as he sucks him off. This was not how the night was supposed to go. Hanbin had a plan: ride with Jiwon to pick up some snacks, bicker like the old friends they were about what cotton candy flavor to get – “Ji, they all taste the same.” “You heathen, blueberry and cherry are not the same flavor.” – and watch the cute Disney movie.

He’s probably going to go to hell for not watching _Moana_ and instead encourage Jiwon to do that thing with his tongue again. The sex part of his plan was supposed to happen later. Like when they finished the movie and families weren’t surrounding them. But Jiwon’s hand felt nice on his thigh and one thing led to the other, Hanbin scrambling to sit in the back seat of the car to pull his pants off and bite down on his hand when Jiwon swallows him down.

Jiwon likes to get deepthroated. He loves it when Hanbin rails his cock into his mouth, fucking his face, and cutting his air supply. He’s a pro at it, which makes him jealous because Jiwon got this experience through other people who weren’t Hanbin. He tries not to think too much on it when he drills his dick and fists Jiwon’s hair to tug him up and down.

At least that spot in hell is going to be shared with Jiwon. Fucking someone in a car without making it obvious they they’re fucking is a difficult task. They almost get caught when a man walks past their car and slows down as if to knock on their window – Hanbin literally has Jiwon on his side, cock warming his dick while listening to Moana sing about the ocean again – but it’s a false alarm because he just bristles past their car.

They breathe a sigh of relief as Hanbin goes back to slow thrusts. Jiwon gets too riled up and starts being a brat that he needs more. He really, really hopes the family behind them don’t figure out that the reason why their shadows look weird is because Jiwon is riding him and Hanbin is jerking him off at the same time.

“So it didn’t work out?”

“No,” Jinhwan and him are sitting outside eating lunch. Spring is slowly turning into summer as months finish and other start. He’s been doing this fucking with no expectations for two months.

“Two months,” Jinhwan whistles. “You have zero balls, dude.”

Hanbin slumps into the table and slams his forehead so he can feel something other than the growing ache of his feelings that are bursting at the seams of his heart.

\\\

He found a book.

 _How to not fall in love with your Fuckbuddy_. Hanbin buys it from the app store and reads it in one night. He’s glad that Jiwon isn’t around to sleep in, busy doing a final project with a friend at their house where he would sleep over. Jiwon had emphasized throughout the entire call that it was a boy that he was working with, a really hot one. Hanbin had replied with, “We’re not exclusive,” – because the book said that is a statement that should always be said to remind the heart this was not set in stone – and Jiwon had gone silent for so long Hanbin thought he’d been hung up on.

The book tells him he should put a distance between his feelings and sexual life. They should never get into kinky stuff because that means putting too much trust and vulnerability of the self into a person who is supposed to be a casual fuck. Hanbin takes notes of it, jotting down that he should start being more aloof and less eager. Don’t approach them, they have to search for you. Never cuddle after sex. Oops. Do not – seriously, do not – ever confess feelings because chances are the fuckbuddy will not care. If you do, seek the guidance of a close friend for the months of heartache. They even email him a coupon of _Ben’s & Jerry’s_.

Jiwon is silent the next day when they see each other. It’s almost like it was Jiwon who took the advice from the book. There is an awkwardness lingering in their room when they play a movie on television and no hands inch down the covers for a quick hand job or a massage on the shoulders doesn’t turn into a flow blown make out session.

During the week, Hanbin gets a very quick and with an almost bored looking blow job from Jiwon. They don’t fuck that week, or the next week, or the next week. Hanbin isn’t desperate for the sex life to come back. He wants his best friend back, the one who teased him, the one who complained about the amount of work his advanced sport skills professor gave him. He wants to go back to when they were just friends. Before Hanbin had the infamous 9:32 a.m moment.

Hanbin is thinking of confronting Jiwon, tell him he wants over with this weird relationship. Jinhwan, surprisingly, is against the idea but Hanbin always ends up doing the opposite of what Jinhwan wants and waits for Jiwon to come back into their dorm to call it quits.

Jiwon comes back. And he’s wearing lipstick.

Like bright red lipstick.

Hanbin stares at his lips.

“What happened there?”

Jiwon doesn’t give him a glance as he lies on his bed and turns over to play on his phone. This pisses Hanbin off, a mixture of annoyance with himself for feeling blood rush to his lower part of the body and also envious of who put that lipstick on Jiwon who is ignoring him.

“I asked you a question.”

Jiwon stays silent.

_Do not engage in kinks or BDSM. This will result in entrusting and revealing a part of your vulnerability that should not be shared with a causal fuck._

Well, fuck the system and rules. Hanbin did everything in the book and the hole in his heart had grown ten folds.

Hanbin stomps over to Jiwon, “I asked you a question.”

Jiwon finally looks at him, indifferent, icy brown eyes glaring at him. “Leave me alone.”

A growl rips out of his throat, “Who put that lipstick on you?”

Jiwon sits up, getting on his knees to put a height difference between them. “Donghyuk did. We kissed – you know, because we’re not exclusive – and he said lipstick would look nice me.”

Oh, Hanbin was going to get back at Jiwon for that. “You’re fucking around with others?”

“You said we weren’t exclusive.”

“I haven’t touched anyone since we started fucking, but you don’t get what you want for a few days and you go get it from someone else.”

Jiwon stares at him astonished. “You have no right to say that,” he punches Hanbin’s chest, “You brought up the fucking and not being tied to each other. Why are you so angry?”

Yeah. Why _is_ he so angry?

“Because I want to be the only one.” He almost says, _because I like you too much and I want to be your boyfriend._

The air is sparking in jealousy, hidden words, and the urge to kiss each other. Hanbin has no idea who makes the first move, but he finds himself holding tightly onto Jiwon’s body and devouring his mouth. Getting rid of the kiss from the Donghyuk dude and ruining the ruby red lipstick on Jiwon’s pouty lips. When he pulls away to admire his work of art he feels his heart explode, Jiwon is staring at him with this dark look in his eyes, mouth tinted a dark red from the streaks of lipstick and shiny with Hanbin’s spit.

It’s a flurry of removing clothing and kissing between the tango of their familiar dance. They’re too strung from not touching one another in a week, wanting to just feel a release of anything. But it still feels just as great to have Jiwon on top of him, their bodies sliding as they rutted against each other and Hanbin wrapped a fist around both of their dicks for a sloppy hand job.

“You let me choke you?” Jiwon’s deep voice asks.

Hanbin nods, he’ll let Jiwon do anything to him. His eyes flutter shut when two strong hands wrap around his neck. Jiwon’s hands are big, the thumbs pressing down on the pulse of his neck. He cries and wheezes, his hands clasping down on Jiwon’s hips to just grind and rotate his hips, pivoting upwards and knocking Jiwon upwards.

Jiwon locks his hands tighter around his neck, making it difficult for Hanbin to breathe in deeply. It’s a scary thing, but the pleasure of it overpowers it. Eyelashes turn dewy when tears begin to trail down his face, gasping for air as his source of oxygen disappears. He taps Jiwon’s hips twice and slowly the grip around his neck loosens until Hanbin can finally breathe again and he cums all over their stomachs.

Jiwon follows suit, squirming on top of him and sucking hard on the skin where his _nihilism_ tattoo curves in lofty letters from his pec to the edge of his shoulder. There is a quick and not so levelled kissing going on before they both sink into sleep.

\\\

“So, you’ve made up?”

“I guess.”

Jinhwan frowns, “You’re making my brain go haywire. Are you or are you not fucking each other?”

It’s complicated.

\\\

It is complicated because they’re not really fucking anymore. But they’re also not ignoring each other.

They kiss a lot. Daily. Whenever they can. Jiwon starts kissing him in front of Jinhwan and his vampire roommate slash boyfriend – “he’s not my boyfriend! we’re actual fuckbuddies,” – which throws Hanbin off for a few days.

They had been watching a group of guys play a friendly, competitive game of soccer when Jiwon came skipping over.

“He’s killing me, Binnie. He wants all of us dead.”

“Report him.” Jinhwan said.

Hanbin rolled his eyes, “Just a few more weeks and summer will be here.” He had smiled toothily at Jiwon, really liking the shine of his eyes. They widened when Jiwon leaned forward to press a chaste kiss on his unmoving, frozen lips.

(“So, you’re making progress?”)

It is complicated because they touch all the time. All. The. Time.

Jiwon holds his hands all throughout stats class, ignoring the looks people give them and Hanbin pretending his ears aren’t burning red. One of his music classmates comes up to pat Hanbin on the shoulder to congratulate him.

“I’m glad you finally got Jiwon, Hanbin-ah. It was about time.”

“Uh – wait, no.”

The girl at the front desk of the library hands Hanbin the book he was checking out, smiling at their linked hands, and says, “You are your boyfriend are so adorable.”

“Thanks,” he says before he realizes what she said. “Wait – no, ha! He’s not my–” Before Jiwon is dragging him away to grab a quick lunch, leaving Hanbin sputtering in embarrassment.

That doesn’t even count the amount of times they share a bed.

(“You share a bed platonically?” Jinhwan slaps him over the head. “What more do you want!”)

They sleep together, no touching – well, sometimes. Because Jiwon is still very enthusiastic to have sex – and wake up to the warm glowing sun with their arms wrapped around one another. Hanbin will be reading an article for his music theory class and Jiwon will be sitting on his lap, ear buds on listening to music.

Sometimes Jinhwan will walk in and give them both a look before sighing loudly and pretending like Hanbin wasn’t so obvious.

It’s complicated because Hanbin realizes pretty quickly that they’re doing everything they used to do before they started fucking. Sure, they hadn’t been so affectionate in public ever, but cuddling Jiwon was not new. Holding his hand when he was stressed out was not new. Jiwon singing him to sleep when his mind wouldn’t stop thinking was not new. Nuzzling their noses when the dorm a/c blasted Antarctica air because it was malfunctioning again, was not new.

(“I hate you, Hanbin. I really fucking hate you.”)

\\\

That history project has been taking a lot of time up from Jiwon. And normally this wouldn’t be an issue because schoolwork was overwhelming the last few weeks of the semester, but it becomes a problem when Jiwon won’t stop talking about her.

About his super smart, funny, sweet partner.

“What’s her name?”

“I don’t know.”

“What her name?”

He sighs, “Minji,” It’s such a bitter name on his tongue.

Jinhwan hums, nodding to himself. Waiting for Hanbin to realize.

Hanbin is glaring at the movie poster hung up on Junhoe’s side of the room, the shadow of the shark from _Jaws_ menacing for the girl swimming above.

Jinhwan exhales and yearns for the days when he was Hanbin-stress-free.

“Have you ever considered,” Jinhwan starts, “That maybe Jiwon talks of all these people because he wants to get you jealous.”

Impossible.

Why would Jiwon try to get Hanbin jealous?

“Oh, I don’t know? Maybe because he likes you and wants you to ask him out.”

Again. Impossible. That that does not exist in this reality.

“Is it that impossible? I mean, think back. Seriously, use your brain for a few seconds.”

He think back to freshman year. No. Jiwon wasn’t making him jealous. He liked fooling around before he got his first serious boyfriend and broke up with him five months later for reasons unknown to Hanbin.

“Mhm, I wonder what those reasons were.” Jinhwan adds sarcastically.

Their second year of college was filled with lots of parties and clubbing. Too many people for Hanbin to remember. People who kind of resembled Hanbin physically. Jiwon always talking about them even after he had broken it off with them weeks ago. And their current year, well.

“Hyung,” Hanbin says as if he’s just had a revelation. “You are a genius.”

Jinhwan nods slowly, grinning as Hanbin gets the _aha!_ moment. Yes. Yes he is a genius.

\\\

It all comes down one week later. Hanbin has been queasy ever since his conversation with Jinhwan, promising he was finally going to admit his feelings. He had backed out plenty of times in the past week because the nerves got to him or he couldn’t find the right words. For all his composing and writing love songs, Hanbin had no idea how to confess.

It’s a Saturday evening. He can hear the rumble of voices from their other dormmates. Jiwon has his laptop perched on his lap playing a movie that Hanbin had lost interest in five minutes into it. He’s too busy thinking of nothing except how soft Jiwon’s hair is now that he’s dyed it black. It’s shiny and silky, his bangs curving outwards and parted in the middle to give him a more youthful look.

Jiwon’s eyes are hooded more than usual as Hanbin gently massaged his scalp and pressed soft kisses on the skin of his ear and his temple. He feels content, having Jiwon’s back pressed against his chest, his hand playing with Hanbin’s empty hand, sometimes looking away from the movie to grin softly and kiss his mouth.

He can’t hold it back anymore.

“Jiwon,” Hanbin looks at the screen of the laptop.

“Mhm?”

“I like you. A lot.”

“I know,”

Hanbin freezes, his heart dying on him for three seconds before it beats back to life. Of course, Jiwon would know. Jiwon has been Hanbin’s best friend since the universe itself was created. They know everything of each other. Hanbin might be slower than most when it comes to emotions, but Jiwon picks up on this kind of stuff quicker than him. So it’s not much of a shock, still, he has to laugh at the foolishness of everything.

“And you just let me fumble my way around like a moron?” Hanbin holds Jiwon’s chin gently to face him and Jiwon turns, the laptop and movie forgotten.

“Donghyuk and Chanwoo say it’d better to let you admit it first.”

“Donghyuk?”

“Yes, Donghyuk. He was in the dance team with us during high school.”

Oh! The light bulb turns on.

“That Donghyuk! You made out with him!” He’s got such a stricken look on his face, Jiwon can’t help laughing at him.

“No, I just said that to get you jealous.”

“You’re terrible, why do I like you?”

Jiwon only grins, looking at him expectantly.

Ah, yes. Hanbin breathes in deeply, kissing Jiwon’s forehead and calming down his way too excited heart.

“Want to be exclusive? As in boyfriends’ type of exclusive?”

The smile that flowers over Jiwon’s lips, lighting his whole face up, brown eyes twinkling prettily like fairy lights at night, is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

“Thought you’d never ask.”

\\\

At 9:49 a.m on a Wednesday morning, Hanbin realizes two things:

1) He is 100% whipped for his boyfriend. Letting him copy from his exam that he studied for weeks just so Jiwon could write down the same answers and pass the stats class with Dr. Oh.

2) Hanbin is in love with said boyfriend.

Uh oh. He can't spiral. Not again

**Author's Note:**

> here is a heart 💖 for reading till the end! this was a lot of fun and lighthearted to write. say hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/nullgrl?s=09) or [tumblr :)](https://beyondthesuga.tumblr.com/) okay, i'm going to go and cry because of the hanbin pics now.


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